He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
