she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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