i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
