I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
