maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
