Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Houston, we have a squirter
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
