my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
