I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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