God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
