Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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