also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
