fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
