Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
