in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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