What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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