Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
