You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
