something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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