i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
