Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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