soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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