I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
