go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
