Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
