Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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