Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
