There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
