He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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