They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
