Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
