My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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