This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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