I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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