i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
