I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize