Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
soo... how was my night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
