What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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