We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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