you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
