Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
