i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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