i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize