He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
