my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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