saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
