it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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