if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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