having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
