OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
