This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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