I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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