In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
