lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
