I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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