when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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