The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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