What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Randomize
