I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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