Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
