So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
