Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
