dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
