Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
