brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
