Don't you send me to vm
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize