i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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