idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
