I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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