I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
