I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize