I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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