yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
