i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could make wine with my vomit
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize