So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
