3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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