sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone signed my nipple.
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